IN GOD’S OWN IMAGE

 

Donald Trump walked down the exit ramp from his jet, “Air force One”. He waved to the huge imaginary crowd that was cheering for him. When he reached the tarmac, he saluted the officer whose job it was to make certain Donald did not try to mingle with the enormous imaginary crowd. Donald returned the officer’s salute with one he had practiced with General Kelly on the plane back from Phoenix where he had thrilled his supporters at the massive rally. Donald loved to salute. It made him feel very military. Donald Trump is, after all, the Commander in Chief didn’t you know? Today, Donald Trump wished he had worn his new Emperor suit.

When he arrived at the Whitehouse, Donald Trump found that he was exhausted. He had spoken so eloquently to his supporters that he now needed sleep. He washed his face – sort of – and wound his alarm clock – the clock with the tiny Rubio Marco white gloved hands. Donald Trump did not brush his teeth. He did not brush his teeth because Melania was away from the Whitehouse. And soon Donald was fast asleep.

It was not long, however until he was awakened. It was as though something HUGE! Weighed down on the bottom corner of the bed. Donald was terrified! He sat up in bed and fumbled to turn on the light. When the room came into focus He saw a huge ape-like beast leaning over him, staring at him with his terrifyingly grotesque face next to his.

“You have extremely foul breath” said the fearful apparition.
Donald Trump was so terrified that he could not speak except for a breathless whisper.
“Who…what are you” Donald whimpered.
“God” said the visage. “And why aren’t you groveling before me?”

“How can you be God? You’re only a huge orange monkey!” Donald was now weeping.
“Got that right” Said God. “Except I’m not just any monkey. I am an Orangutan. And just like it says in the Bible: “God, in his own image created he the man”.
“You can’t be God” Donald whispered.
“And why is that?” asked God.
“God is a man – kind of. Not only is he a man but he’s a white man. Just like that painting on the Pope’s ceiling.”

God was becoming very annoyed with Donald Trump. God considered body-slamming Donald Trump but he had too many visits to make tonight and Donald Trump was the least important of all those visits. God had an appointment with Vladimir Putin – or “Putie” as God preferred to refer to him. God called Vladimir “Putie” even though he did not have Vladimir’s permission. At least Putie rode horses bare-chested, Just like the apes in that monkey movie. God thought it was cool that apes rode horses.
“I guess I’ll need to prove to you who I am!” With that, God held a mirror next to his own face so Donald could see his own image next to God’s.

“Oh My God – (no disrespect).” Exclaimed Donald. “It’s true. I’m orange. Just like you.”

With that, God planted a huge, juicy kiss right on Donald’s mouth.

“Eeyuch! I forgot about that foul breath of yours. Don’t you ever brush?”
“Eeyuch! Yourself. Did you have to tongue me? Now I wann’a puke.” Cried Donald. “Why’d you do have to go an’ do that for? You know I’m a germaphobe! What are you a homaseckshel or something? You know what? I’m the President! @POTUS in case you didn’t know. That trumps God every time. Just ask the guy with the pointed tail and horns.”

“I’ll just do that. I’m on my way to see him right after I talk a little sense into that thing between those grimy ears that you call a brain. Which brings up the point I need to make right now. You see, I’m sick and tired of the way you’re treating my minority folks down here. If that doesn’t change right away I’m gonna’ have to make a few changes myself!”

“And those changes would be?” Donald Trump was feeling the full power of his position. He was proud he could mock God. He is @POTUS after all, in case didn’t you know.

“Well, to start with, that teeny-weeny little thing between your legs will disappear. Not that it already hasn’t. So, think about it Mr. xenophobe-in-chief. Since you will now be one of them transgender folks you’re so afraid of, you’re gonna’ need to resign that fancy @ POTUS title y’all’s so proud of.”

With that, God was gone. God simply vanished into the night. No explanation. When you’re God you can do that.

Donald Trump was now truly terrified!