Donald Trump is furious! Donald is furious because of the new book, “Fire and Fury.” The author, that slimy, little, evil Michael Wolf, writes about the cruel things the White House staff says about Donald. They tell how he is like a misbehaved child, that he has no curiosity, does not read and is a pathological liar.
But then everyone, even Donald Trump, knows this is true.
But Donald Trump is also worried. He is worried because of the Russia investigation. Donald knows that Robert Mueller is getting very close to finding out what Donald has done. Now Donald wonders what he can do to stop Robert Mueller. Donald must think.
Donald decides to watch FOX news. Maybe FOX & Friends will tell him what to do.
While Donald watches he orders two McDonald’s cheeseburgers, double fries and a large box of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Donald knows this is brain food and that eating it will help him to think.
Finally, when Donald has finished making the cheeseburgers and fried chicken go into his tummy, he burps loudly. The sound of the escaping gas from his over-stuffed belly reminds him that he must do something – soon!
Donald Trump knows what to do. He will call his good friend Vladimir Putin. Vladimir is smart – very smart! Vladimir Putin can do whatever he wants to do in his country. Donald wonders why he cannot do whatever he wants to do with America. Donald is the boss of America. Just like Vladimir is the boss of Russia. But some Americans do not like what Donald Trump is doing to America. What, he asks, is wrong with those Americans?
When Vladimir Putin answers, Donald accidentally lets another burp. A loud one.
“So, Donald, I see you are worried.” “Why do you say that?” Donald asks.
“Donald! You always order double fried chicken when you’re upset. Just tell old Putie what’s wrong. Has that little minx slipped out of the White House again? Better keep a good eye on that one hahahaha!”
Donald did not like Vladimir’s laugh. Vladimir likes to look at Melania. Vladimir winks at Melania. Melania winks back at Vladimir. Something about that winking business bothers Donald. But, Donald is not certain what that thing is. Maybe it is how Vladimir and Melania giggle when they wink at each other.
“Listen Vladimir” says Donald. “You would be worried too if this Mueller guy was breathing down your neck.”
“Donald, Donald. Relax! What can he do?”
“Well, for one thing, if he finds out about our little agreement there goes the White House and that big airplane.”
“Agreement? What agreement are you referring to Donald? You told me those sanctions would disappear if I fix…er…helped you win the election. And, so here you are Mr. heh-heh- Mr. President.”
“What am I going to do now?” Donald was becoming very worried. “I can’t fire Mueller or I might get impeached!”
“Donald! Just think of it as a game of Russian Roulette.”
“I’ve never played Russian Roulette. I’m too frightened!” sobbed Donald.
“Just think about it like this: you empty all but one round out of the cylinder of a revolver, place the barrel against your head, spin the cylinder and pull the trigger.”
“What if it goes off?”
“Not to worry. There’s only one chance out of six of a misfire. Nothing to worry about.”
“How does this relate to the investigation? It makes no sense.”
“Think of it this way Donald. Imagine that firing Robert Mueller is a game of roulette. I’ll bet the odds are better than one in six that the Republicans won’t impeach you if you fire him.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Just think about it! If you fire Mueller, the base will be so happy they’ll have all the state Governors pass voter restriction laws even before the next primaries. There won’t even be any Democrats show up at the polls.”
Donald Trump now felt much better. When Donald hung up from speaking with Vladimir Putin he called Jeff Sessions to suggest that Rob Rosenstein take care of Robert Mueller. Then Donald ordered another bucket of chicken. Now he can watch the rest of Fox & Friends.