PATRIOTIC LOYALTY

 

According to our confidential Breitbart source, White House comfort woman, Kellyanne Conway has been forbidden to appear at White House gatherings in the same room as President Trump. It seems as though @POTUS is put off by Conway’s straw blonde hair color because it clashes with his pumpkin-orange coif.

Steve Bannon has confined Kellyanne to her office until the wayward spokesperson has been cosmetically corrected.

We are told that after consulting with Dr. Tom Price, the recently confirmed Director of Health and Human Services (DHHS), Bannon has ordered Conway to undergo Propecia therapy. Apparently, according to Price, Trump’s use of Propecia to enhance hair growth has also resulted in his hair and skin attaining its pumpkinesque hue. (Price has also voiced concern that the condition may be a precursor to what he identifies as “Political Lycanthropy”, a disease that also affects many Eastern European Politicians turning them into fascist autocrats.)

Apparently, all has not gone well with the therapy because, although Conway’s hair color has been unaffected, the crow’s feet lines around her eyes, lips and neck have turned, for better want of description, “Mandarin Yellow with Black Outline.”

Additionally, Bannon has also ordered the destruction of the red, white and blue military outfit Kellyanne appeared in at the inauguration. Furthermore, we are informed that Bannon has ordered Reince Priebus to put a hit out on whoever designed the patriotic get-up.