THE BIG PARADE

 

Donald Trump is angry. Donald Trump is also afraid. Donald has discovered that North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong Un, has HUGE armies that march on parade for him. He knows this because he has seen the thousands of North Korean soldiers marching goose-step, eyes-right fastened on Kim as they marched past. Donald has also seen the ENORMOUS mobile rocket launchers – row after row of mobile rocket launchers on parade in front of Kim.

Donald Trump knows all of this because he has seen the pictures on the not- so -fake- FOX news channel. FOX NEWS is also Donald’s only source of intelligence. Donald Trump has thirteen intelligence agencies. But HE does not listen to his intelligence experts.

Donald Trump thinks his intelligence experts and his generals do not know as much as Sean Hannity. Sean Hannity told Donald Trump that Russia did not interfere with U.S. elections. Trump knows Sean Hannity is right because he works for FOX NEWS. On August 8, Sean Hannity promised not to tweet any “petty politics” for 12 hours. Donald Trump was so impressed with Sean Hannity’s promise that he immediately tweeted that North Korea would be met with “Fire and Fury”. Donald Trump was very proud of himself for his brave patriotic tweet. Immediately, Sean Hannity tweeted in response. Sean Hannity did not wait for 12 hours to begin tweeting petty politics.

For his inauguration, Donald Trump told the Washington Post that he would have a HUGE military parade with rocket launchers, tanks and artillery pieces. The military told Donald that he could not have his HUGE parade but they did let him have a fly-over with one aircraft from each service branch. General Mattis still will not let Donald have a HUGE military parade. This makes Donald ENORMOUSLY angry.

“Kim Jong Un, Liddle Rocket Man, is only the leader of a very tiny country” thought Donald Trump. “Why does he get to have such enormous parades? I will call Kim Jong Un and ask him how he does it.”

Late that night, while General Kelly was not watching, Donald called Kim Jong Un.

“Hey Liddle Rocket Man. It’s me, Donald Trump, the baddest man in the world.”

“It’s Monkey Man” shouted Kim to his generals. Kim’s generals laughed that Donald would call Dear Leader so late at night.

“Spit it out DoTard – I got a big parade on today. Gonna’ show off our brand-new ICBMs.  Haha – missiles got their targets written in Korean and English: Los Angeles is first. You Like? Hahahaha!”

Now Donald Trump was furious. He could hardly contain his anger. But Donald could do nothing because General Kelly keeps the “football” hidden. The football is the briefcase that holds the nuclear codes.

Donald knew he would need to appear humble if he were to get Kim to tell him how he gets to have his massive parades.

“So tell me Little…er Marshal Kim.” (Donald Trump does not do humble very well.) “How do you get to have those HUGE parades with those big ol’ rocket launchers and stuff?”

“WHAT? You don’t get big parade?” Kim Jong Un knew that Donald Trump is not allowed to have giant military parades but he loves to torment Donald. “O.K. tard, listen up. First you gotta’ get rid of some of those pesky generals you got roamin’ around that big white funny farm. Start with that General Mattis fella then General Kelly and Tillerson – right on down the line. Now, put your nice young boy-san Kushner in charge of military. Next get rid of all those news media outlets that tell people how small your crowds are. Make FOX only U.S. news outlet. Change name to ‘Trump Media’.”

“Now have big DoTard parades. Let ‘em roll Hahahahaha!”

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